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Deaf, HOH, and ASL Jokes

... continued

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What do you call it when people put names on the back of sports shirts?
Clothes Captioning

Three hard of hearing dudes are standing on a street corner.
First hard of hearing dude says, "Brrrrr, it's windy!"
Second one says, "'s Thursday."
Third one says, "Me too, let's go get a drink."

"I must be getting old. I'm starting to talk to myself."
"Don't worry about it Bob--it happens to the best of us."
"Well, it's a real hassle."
"Yah, I'm also going deaf so I have to repeat everything."

Two HOH people are talking. One says to the other, “I just got a new hearing aid! It's really great, I can hear everything! But man, it was expensive!”
“Really,” says his friend, “Maybe I should get one, what kind is it?”
The first man promptly looks at his watch and replies, “Oh, about a quarter to six.”

Q: How do you sell a deaf guy a duck?
A: (Yelling) WANNA BUY A DUCK?
Contributed by: Elliott S. Innes, a HOH Missionary in Peru, [Global Partners 224.489.7040]

My cousin Vinny is in a bad spot. He's got a bad inner ear problem that needs surgery soon, or he'll lose his hearing on that side. He has no insurance, though, and the cost is WAY too much for him. He does have a way out, though. A local widow has offered to pay for the operation, but only if he'll marry her, afterwards!

She's 20 years older than him and not very bright. You could call it a "wife or deaf" situation.
[Life or Death situation vs. Wife or Deaf situation...heh]
Contributed by

Q. Why is it that the hearing of people who work on the railroad is different from other people's hearing?
A. Because they have engine ears.
(Engineers, heh)

35. Hearing Aid Department
Sign in hearing aid department: Over 5,000 ears of experience
--submitted by: Marsha

One day a certain lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights.
She thought to herself, "Uh-oh, what have I done now? I'm not speeding. I'm not drinking. I have my seat belt on! I have kept up my license dues and everything!" So, she pulled over and the police car pulled over to the side right behind her car. She drove her car slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down the window, and prepared for a ticket when she knew she didn't deserve it.

A policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her. The lady pointed to her ear and shook her head, meaning she was deaf. The policeman smiled slightly and wrote, "I know. I'm here to tell you that your horn is stuck."
--Submitted by Cyndrina of Cydrina's Early Development Centre

37. Sign Language
When I'm out driving through beautiful countryside, I get
so mad at those huge, ugly billboards I could just scream at
them. But it probably wouldn't make much difference, because
I don't know sign language.
[ J.J. Gertler from Ruminations]

38. Three Deaf men on a Train:
Three men- a Cuban, a Russian, and a Deaf American meet on a train. The Cuban takes out a fine, fresh Havana cigar, lights it up, takes a few leisurely puffs, and tosses the unfinished cigar out the window. He explains, "We have so many cigars in Cuba, we can afford to waste them." The Russian then takes out a new bottle of fine native vodka, pours himself a shot, then casually tosses the nearly-full bottle out the window. "We have so much vodka in Russia, we can afford to waste it," he says. Then the Deaf man picks up his sign language interpreter and tosses him out the window: "We have so many hearing people in America, we can afford to waste them."
[submitted by LeAnn, an ASL 1 student in Texas]


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