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Deaf, HOH, and ASL Jokes

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47. The community college where my wife teaches is next door to a School for the Deaf. One day she entered the computer lab and noticed a hearing-impaired student signing away animatedly but, it seemed, to no one in particular.

She asked his interpreter if the student was okay.

"Oh, he's fine," said the interpreter. "He's just
swearing at his computer."

(Submitted  4/4/2007 by Marsha at CripHumor).


Two women run into each other outside an exclusive department store. The first woman is carrying lots of packages and it's clear she's been power shopping.

Woman One:
"Sweetie, I don't know why we haven't seen you around the club lately. I ran into your doctor and he said he told you to diet and exercise."

Woman Two:
"Really?! Well, bless your heart for telling me. I sure thought he said, "Buy it and accessorize!"

(Submitted by Marsha at Crip Humor


Why Deaf Youth are Happy with Total Communication:
There is a sign for a philosophy of Deaf education called Total Communication that uses a T and a C alternately moving away from and back to the mouth.  One day a visiting administrator asked a student, why is everyone so happy here?  The student replied (signed) "Total Communication." 
"Ah, that explains it!"  the administrator exclaimed with satisfaction.  He thanked the student and walked away.  The student turned to his buddies and did the sign again, this time modifying the T portion of the sign to show "inhaling" and the "C" portion of the sign to indicate "drinking."
--Bill Vicars

Amanda: My boyfriend and I are taking Sign Language
classes together. I signed some very foolish
words to him last night.
Andrea: Yes?
Amanda: That was one of them.
Submitted by Marsha:

In a message dated 2/6/2008 2:12:57 P.M. Pacific Standard Time, whatafanf3@ writes:


A man went into a bar after work one day, and after a beer or two he noticed a deaf man passed out in the corner. After an hour or so the fellow was still very drunk and incoherent, so, being a nice guy, the first man decided to take him home.

He looked up the drunk's address in his wallet, then started struggling to get the man out to his car. Dragging, heaving, and finally carrying the deaf man, he finally reached his car: then the process had to be repeated in front of the drunks' house.

At last the nice guy got the deaf man up to the door and rang the bell, which was promptly answered by pleasant-looking mother. "Oh thank you so much for bringing him here!" she said, "But where's his wheelchair?"

(Sent in By Kenneth D. Israel)

Renee, who uses hearing aids, was reading with her son Ruben.

Ruben is five years old now and learning to read.
He points at a picture in a zoo book and says,
"Look, Mama! It's a frickin' elephant!"

Renee:  Deep breath ... "What did you call it?"

Ruben:  "It's a frickin' elephant, Mama!  It says so on the picture!"

Renee looks at the caption, and sure enough it says:

"A f r i c a n Elephant."

(Sent in by Marsha Coleman in Texas.

Why can't you take a picture of a man with a hearing aid in Jerusalem?

Because you need a camera, not a hearing aid.

(Marsha Coleman)

Morty visits the veterinarian in the Fairfax District and says, 'My dog has a problem.'

The doctor replies, 'So tell me about the dog's problem.'

'First you should know, he's a Jewish dog. His name is Irving and he can talk,' says Morty.

He can talk?', the doubtful doctor asks.

'Watch this!' Morty points to the dog and commands 'Irving, Fetch!'

Irving, the dog, begins to walk toward the door, then turns around and demands, 'So why are you talking to me like that? You order me around like I'm nothing. And you only call me when you want something. And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis. You give me this fahkahkta* food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it's a special diet. It tastes like dreck*! YOU should eat it yourself!

And do you ever take me for a decent walk? NO, it's out of the house, a short pish*, and right back home. Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much! I should roll over and play dead for real for all you care!'

The Doctor is amazed. 'This is remarkable! What could be the problem?'

Morty says, 'Obviously he has a hearing problem! I said 'fetch', not 'kvetch*'.

*Yiddish Definitions:
Fahkahkta - Crappy
Dreck - Poop, excrement, inferior merchandise or work,
insincere talk or excessive flattery
Pish - Pee, urinate [Pisher is a male infant, a little squirt]
Kvetch - Whine, complain

Submitted by Marsha Coleman in Texas.
Credit to:  "Geno" -

Question:  What is Indian roulette?

        Answer:  You sit down next to a snake charmer with six
        cobras, one of which is deaf.

Submitted by Marsha Coleman in Texas.
Credit: "THE GIANT BOOK OF ANIMAL JOKES" By Richard Lederer and James D. Ertner

"An American man decides to backpack his way across Ireland, staying in hostels and working wherever he can find something for the day or the week.  One day he happens upon a countryside tavern and asks the tavernkeeper if he would like a day off.

"Sure and bigorrah I would indeed enjoy that," the keep says in his deep  brogue.  "But we have quite an unusual clientele here as all of me  patrons are quite deef.  We've all developed an easy sign language,  though, and I'll be showing it to you so you'll be knowing what they  drink."  He begins to show him the signs for a beer, a shot and a beer,  and other possible drink combinations.  The American feels competent to  handle this, so the keep gives the American his telephone number and takes the  afternoon off.

All is going well for the American, and he is understanding the patrons'  signage, until one gentleman does something he doesn't understand.  He  does a sign that looks almost like a duck quacking.  He does it to the  fellow next to him, and then they've both got two hands going; then another  one starts up, and pretty soon they are ALL doing it!!  The American is  perplexed so he gives the keep a call at home to explain, quite frantically,  what they are doing!

The keep says, "Oh geez!  Now you've got 'em singing, and  they'll NEVER go home!"

Two old guys in front of the general store.
One says, "Hey, you wanna go fishing?"
The other says "CAN'T. I'm going fishing!"

It was John and Mary's 70th wedding anniversary.
He turned to her and said "I'm proud of you Mary."  She replied "I'm tired of you, too, John."

(holding area for future deaf jokes)

 Also visit: Deaf Humor

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