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Deaf, HOH, and ASL Jokes

... continued

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A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doctor,
you've got to help me. I pass gas HUNDREDS of times a day."
He tells the doctor that it's silent and odorless. Then he says, "Doctor, you won't believe this but I've passed gas ten times while we've been talking."
So the doctor gives him some pills, "Here, take two of these every day and come see me in two weeks."
The guy comes back in one week complaining, Doctor, what's in these pills? I still have the gas, it's still silent, but now it smells absolutely TERRIBLE!"
The doctor says, "Well that takes care of your sinus problem, now let's work on your hearing."

8. PIGS:
Question: What language do pigs speak?
Answer: Swine language.

Question: What language do porcupines speak?
Answer: Spine language.

10. Billboards:
Question: What language do billboards speak?
Answer: sign language

11. FROGS:
There once was this mad scientist. One day, being curious of the nature of frogs, he propped a frog up on his desk, opened his log book and carefully observed the animal. After staring at it for a considerable amount of time, the scientist finally said: "JUMP!"
And the frog lept.
The scientist then quickly jotted down in his log book: "Frogs can jump." The following day, the mad scientist entered his lab, checked his log book, put the frog up on the table and, again, stared at it. Finally, he took out a scalpel, removed one of the frog legs and said: "JUMP!"
And the frog jumped.
The scientist quickly added to his log book: "Frogs can jump with three legs."
The next day, the scientist, upon entering his lab, went through the same routine, cutting off another of the frog legs. As he was staring at the wretched animal who now was missing two legs, he said: "JUMP!"
And the frog jumped.
The scientist then added to his previous observations: "Frogs can jump with two legs."
On the fourth day, the scientist behaved according to his habits and removed a third leg from the frog. He then expectantly said: "JUMP!"
And the frog jumped.
Well, by now, the scientist was quite excited about all this. He wrote down in his log book: "Frogs can jump with only one leg!"
Finally, on the fifth day, the scientist entered his lab, already thrilled by what new discoveries he might make. As usual, he checked his log book, placed the frog on the table, stared at what was left of the animal, reached for his scalpel and removed the last of the frog legs. He then said: "JUMP!"
But alas the frog did not leap.
"JUMP! JUMP!" exclaimed the scientist.
Still, the frog did not leap.
"JUMP!" yelled the scientist.
The frog did not leap.
The scientist, then wrote down in his log book: "Frogs when deprived of all legs become deaf."

A fellow who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night, and of course, his car is weaving all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

A female missionary who worked with Deaf returned home. She gave her "missionary report" to the congregation. In the audience were some of the male missionaries she knew from her mission. The guy missionaries were called Elders. These Elders were deaf.
Because she worked somewhat with the deaf elders and learned some sign language on her mission she decided to sign part of her talk.
She thought she had signed "I really loved 'working' with the Deaf Elders."
The former Elders in the audience burst out laughing
She was embarrassed a bit but finished her talk--then went down to the elders to confront them as to why they laughed.
They explained the sign she used was similar to work but actually meant "make out" (as in necking).


I collect Deaf jokes.  If you have a clean Deaf or HoH joke to share...please send it to me. Thanks!  Have a great day!  -- Dr. Bill Vicars  (contact info) (Feel free to link to these pages but do not repost).

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