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Deaf, HOH, and ASL Jokes

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Four men (a Russian, a Cuban, and a Deaf American, and an interpreter) are on a train. The Russian throws a half empty bottle of vodka out the window. When the Deaf American and the Cuban react with surprise, he explains that "That vodka tasted bitter. Back home in Russia, we have much better vodka!" So then the Cuban throws a half smoked cigar out the window saying, "That cigar tasted awful. Not like the ones we have in Cuba."
Then the Deaf American stands up, grabs the interpreter, and throws him out the window, signing "He used signed English."

A husband and wife went to the doctor. [The husband is hard of hearing]
The doctor says to the wife, "You've got to do 3 things to keep your husband well."
"1st you got to keep everything real clean and smooth. You got to iron everything."
"2nd you got to fix him fresh meals every day from scratch. No left overs, no fast or frozen foods."
"3rd you got to give him more lovin."
They get home and the husband asks, "Well what did the doctor say?"
The wife looks at him and responds, "You're going to die."

Question: Why did God make farts smell?
Answer: So Deaf people could enjoy them too.

An older gentleman had lost his hearing aid and wanted to get a new
one. Before getting the new hearing aid, he wanted his ear cleaned
out, so he went to his doctor.
As the doctor was cleaning his ears, he noticed a foreign object
lodged in the man's ear canal. With a pair a tweezers, the doctor
removed the object. Upon closer examination, he discovered that it
was a suppository. The doctor told the older gentleman that he had a
suppository stuck in his ear.
At this, the man exclaimed, "Now I know where I put my hearing aid!"

A deaf couple check into a motel. They retire early. In the middle of the night, the wife wakes her husband complaining of a headache and asks him to go to the car and get some aspirin from the glove compartment. Groggy with sleep, he struggles to get up, puts on his robe, and goes out of the room to his car. He finds the aspirin, and with the bottle in hand he turns toward the motel. But he cannot remember which room is his. After thinking a moment, he returns to the car, places his hand on the horn, holds it down, and waits. Very quickly the motel rooms light up, all but one. It's his wife's room, of course. He locks up his car and heads toward the room without a light.

I noticed a deaf couple in the library talking to each other, evidently in a heated argument. The wife was getting more upset, using large signs, her husband could see that she was upset. Finally, he took both her hands in his, and signed, "Honey, you don't have to yell, I am not blind!"

One day a blind man goes to a barber for a haircut. 

After the cut he asks the barber about his bill. "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you I am doing community service for handicapped this week." The blind man is pleased and leaves the shop. 

The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. 

Later a man in wheelchair comes in for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber, and the barber replies: "I am sorry I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service for handicapped this week." The wheelchair man is happy and leaves the shop. 

The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a box of dozen muffins waiting at his door. 

A deaf man comes for a hair cut and when he asks the barber what he owes, the barber wrote on paper: "I am sorry I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service for handicapped this week. The deaf man is very happy and leaves. 

The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there are a dozen deaf people waiting at his door.

21 MILK:
Make the sign for "milk."
Continue making the "milk" sign--but
move it in front of your eyes. 
Can you guess what "sign" that is?
It's "pasteurized milk"


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